excerpts from
There Was a Clattering As...
by Norman Fischer
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This year of plague
A terrible instance
Of tragic heartlessness two men
Both named Vibius Serenus
A son prosecuting his father who
Dragged back from exile
Dirty and shabby and manacled
Had to face the charges
Of his elegant brisk young son
Informer and witness in one
He accused his father of plotting
Against the emperor/Cornutius
Who was involved
Finding the anxiety unbearable and
Regarding prosecution as equivalent
To ruin speedily
Committed suicide But the
Defendant undaunted shook
His manacles in his son’s face
And called on the gods of vengeance
“Give me back my
Exile! And punish my son!”
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In these troubled times
Of chaos and revolt
Pomponius Labeo
Opened his veins and bled to death
Followed by his wife Paxaea
Such deaths were readily resorted to
They were due to fears of execution
And because people sentenced to death
Forfeited their property
And were forbidden burial
Whereas suicides
Were rewarded for this acceleration
By burial and recognition of wills
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He said after his death by poison
That nothing
Can lead nowhere if not
Back to nothing
Which we will receive in the end
When we are silent
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Jesus’ resurrection the most
Memorable and surely most
Significant but it is not
The only return from the dead
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Elijah raised a widow’s son
And Elisha brought back the son of a grieving couple
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It happens!
The shortest verse in the bible is
“Jesus wept”
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But even after his death
He was not silent
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The last thing that can be said
Is like mathematics like forgetfulness
Such disturbing conditions
Such dismal numbers
Tallied daily
Within all parts of the body
Thunder and crumbs
Olives and grapes
Mouths agape
No big surprise
It happens!
For a very long time
To calculate dictional function
To discern originary pattern
In letters’ numbers
Or thereabouts
To parts unknown a person
In location or thereabouts
Is what constitutes the modern
Person who’s got an inner life
Of depth and obscurity
Inverted in spaces
Left vacant when world
Lost enchantment and the gods
Fled into words
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It was just before six in the morning
Of September 15, 1840
And the Ville-de-Montereau
Lay at the Quai Saint Bernard
Ready to cast off
And spouting great clouds of steam
In spirit of capital accumulation...
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On the first of April of that year
There appeared
Sudden as Manco Caparc
At Lake Titicaca
A man in cream-colors
At the waterside
In the city of St. Louis
His cheek fair
Chin downy
Hair flaxen
Hat white fur with a fleecy nap
From the shrugged shoulders
Titters whispers wonderings
It was plain
He was a stranger
Leaving a pleasing aura
Lets be clear that here there’s no
Belabored breathing or dry cough
In the bloodstream there may be
Great problems pressing issues
For what you’ve got
No tests no cures
The tests are unavailable
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Only the very wealthy can afford them
But you must have a great trust in them
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As for the rest a gap
They must suffer the consequences
Of their condition
With a great patience
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I had to tell her she was infected
She took it rather well
She’d been through so much
Her daughter’s insanity
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Her aging body with its previous illnesses
Her money troubles
One must trust the author
As the author must trust the authorial process
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With full confidence
Otherwise writing
And reading
Become doubtful issues
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Neither alive nor dead
Inert on its own till cell appear
With living activity to latch onto
Then commandeer using chemical
Mechanisms of living
To reproduce mightily
There may be mistakes some cast off
But there are then many of them
Many of them
Many of them
And still more
Repeating pullulation it’s madness
Of the king who yet knows the truth
In human heart the greed the fear the horror
Arrogance blindness swagger
The nonsense and rages on in
Defense of self and realm
Repeating pullulation some cast off
But so very many pullulating repeating
Array against them massive forces causing great
Consternation among the ranks
Of monastics in cells who come daily
Together in harmonious prayer to pray for them
As they fall so many
Crossing London Bridge at twilight
Under cloudy skies moon obscured
Their bodies piled high in streets
The government secretly digs mass graves
But it is counterproductive
For the dead do not die they continue
Repeating to pullulate by other means other lives
The mutation’s unsuccessful
If it kills its host it must do only
Enough damage to go on repeating
To preserve such particularity of life
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Testing testing testing
We are forever testing
We are never testing
We are testing but we are not testing enough
We are not testing as much as others are testing
They are testing
They test every day
They test every one
They test those who need to be tested and those who do not need to be tested
We ought to be testing more than we are
In other places where they are testing everyone
They have plenty of test kits they are widely distributed
They had them all along they were prepared with many test kits
They are testing and testing with their test kits
And they are receiving test results they are amassing data
The more you test the more data you amass
And the more data you amass the more you understand
The more you test and amass and understand the more you will be able to decide what to do
Testing yields results results collated provide data
But we do not have enough test kits for the testing we ought to do
And we do not have enough materials to make the test kits effective
So we do not have enough data we do not know what is going on we do not know what to do
It is wild it is out of control that there is this that is going on all around us
And we do not know where it is or what it is or how much of it there is
Because there are not enough test kits and test kit materials and not enough data
So we fly blind or we do not fly at all
When there are enough test kits and materials
Enough PPE so those administering tests can be protected
So that they can administer tests safely
Enough PPE so that workers will not fall sick tending the sick
Enough amassed data then
Data can be charted onto graphs we can measure rates of increase or decrease
And we can know where the disease is and where it is not where it is strong and where weak
We can see hot spots
We can see where it spreads and how it spreads
We can track social networks networks of association and transmission
We can use phone data GPS data CCTV all sorts of data
We can make discoveries
Uncovering from out of the dark and into the light the data will shed in all directions
We can see numbers as light we can feel numbers as warmth taste and touch numbers
And each data point stands for a case each case a person a person a case in point illuminated
Data point we can chart and contemplate we can decide the best things to do
The most effective things to do and how to do them and where to do them
This is unprecedented
This is unprecedented
Unprecedented
Although it has happened many times before this way and worse but that was long ago
But each time it is unprecedented this amount of dying or being dying or more
We have not seen anything like it before
We have seen many many things but like this we have seen nothing quite like this
We do not know what to think of it how to think of it what to make of it
We think of it we make of it something a life every day we cannot interpret it it
Defies our interpretation it seems even monstrous to interpret it how could we
Even begin to dream of how to interpret it
Perhaps we should all be wearing masks
They say wear masks wear them at all times not for yourself but for the others
It will prevent you from breathing onto others it will help you to remember not to touch your
Face it will prevent your transmitting a disease you may not know you have but you do have it
But there are not enough masks there ought to be masks available everywhere how is it possible
There are not enough masks such a simple thing a mask a cloth mask how is this possible
There simply are not enough masks but maybe it is not such a good thing to wear a mask
When we know or when we are told that there are not enough masks
For those who need masks the doctors and nurses and first responders
Need masks but there are not enough masks for them so when we wear
Masks does this mean we are withholding masks from those who need them most
Though we are not intending to do this this is not our wish to do this yet are we
Hoarding masks which we don’t even need they don’t even help anyway
We are told but also we are told they are necessary they are vitally important for others
It is important for others not for ourselves that we wear masks
You can make your own mask it is so simple it can be done this way it can be
Done that way there are many ways to make masks you can use various
Materials but if you make a mask it might warm and moisten with your breathing
Harboring bacteria
It might be dangerous wearing a mask you might be putting others in jeopardy yourself
In jeopardy it might give a false sense of security cause you and others to
Wash the hands less sanitize less disinfect less and then the mask would be in this way
Counterproductive even dangerous it could thus be irresponsible even cruel thoughtlessly
Cruel to wear a mask but we are told we must wear masks at all times
In these times others others we must think of others because
Now it is clear that thinking of others is thinking of ourself and thinking
Of ourself is thinking of others because if you get sick others get sick and if
Others are sick so will you also be sick they will die you will die we will all die
But we can’t die together we will die alone
In order for them not to die alone also you must not die alone you must wear a mask or not
Wear a mask test or not be tested maybe you would like to be tested but the test kit
Administered to you might well be the test kit so much more needed by another
Let us only test those who need the test for there are not enough test kits
But now there are plenty of masks so many manufacture masks masks available at every
Store counter online everywhere you see ads for masks so much production of
Other things now has become instead production of masks we are all wearing masks we have
Whole wardrobes of masks in various styles colors fabrics configurations but some say
It is foolish to wear a mask it is merely
Political to wear a mask a badge of honor it is not to wear a mask to show
How you are who you are an independent person one not afraid of silly little invisible things
How can such things hurt you or if they do not so bad really it’s not so bad no worries
The hospitals are crowded the hospitals are very very crowded there are beds in the corridors
The doctors the nurses the respiratory therapists do not have masks they need masks
They need basic equipment they do not have where is this equipment why does it not
Exist where it is most needed how it is this is happening now as it is happening
Where are the ventilators why are there not ventilators where they are needed
And for the patient on the ventilator who is unconscious and almost for all intents and purposes
Dead and the ventilator is breathing for her she cannot breathe she is biding her time un-
Conscious and yet there is no treatment for this disease she must be breathed by the
Machine and maybe the disease will go away finally and she will be well but maybe she will
Be breathed by the ventilator for a time and then she will die and the ventilator will
Not have mattered at all but ventilators are desperately needed where are the ventilators
Why have we not heard about ventilators coming where are these ventilators before this
We never even heard of ventilators they are rarely used
Is all this actually happening
Is it happening as they say it is happening
Is anything ever happening as anyone says it is happening and is it actually happening
Have you seen evidence of its happening actually happening as they say
Or is it perhaps some kind of hoax a government hoax
Perpetrated by our enemies to make us look bad to cause us to panic to make us look foolish
To make us seem as if caught with our pants down as if dummies incompetent we didn’t do
The sane and basic things anyone would do to manage things well to prepare as anyone would
Prepare for such a crisis when everyone knew so clearly everyone knew clearly obviously
That is those who understand such things study such things are trained in such things
Experienced in them whose job it is to take care of such things
That this would happen it was always only ever a matter of time
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I will indicate the facts on which there is agreement and certain others which are doubtful but not wholly fantastic. The phoenix is sacred to the sun. Those who have depicted it agree that its head and the markings of its plumage distinguish it from other birds. Regarding the length of its life accounts vary. The commonest view favors 500 years. But some estimate that it appears every 1461 years, and that the three last seen flew to Heliopolis in the reigns of Sesoisis, Amasis, and Ptolemy III respectively escorted by numerous ordinary birds astonished by its unfamiliar aspect. Its earliest appearances are unverifiable. When its years are complete and death is close, it is said to make a nest in its own country and shed over it a procreative substance — from which rises a young phoenix. Its first function after growth is the burial of its own father. This is habitually done as follows. After proving, with a long flight with a load of myrrh, that it is capable of the burden and the journey, it takes its father’s body, carries it to the Altar of the Sun, and burns it. The details are disputed and embellished by myths. But that the bird sometimes appears in Egypt is unquestioned.
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A graduate of the Iowa Writers’ Workshop, Norman Fischer has been publishing poetry since 1979. He holds an MFA from the University of Iowa Writer’s Workshop and a masters from the Graduate Theological Union at the University of California at Berkeley. Norman has been a Zen Buddhist priest for nearly 30 years, serving as abbot for the San Francisco Zen Center from 1995-2000. Founder and teacher of the Everyday Zen Foundation, he is one of the most highly respected Zen teachers in America, regularly leading Zen Buddhist retreats and events.
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Norman has published seventeen books of poetry and six books on Zen. His poetry has been anthologized in The Wisdom Anthology of North American Poetry, Basta Azzez enough, and many literary magazines including Jacket, Talisman, Facture, Tin Fish, Periodics, Mag City, Your Stuff, Bezoar, Rocky Ledge, Hills, Raddle Moon, Nocturnes(Re)view, Bombay Gin, Gallery Works, Antenym, and Crayon, among others. He was a primary contributor to Benedict’s Dharma: Buddhists Reflect on the Rule of Saint Benedict, edited by Patrick Henry (Monastic Interreligious Dialogue, 2001).
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In addition, Norman frequently publishes essays in Buddhadharma, Tricycle and Shambala Sun. His essays have appeared in such notable collections as Radical Poetics and Secular Jewish Culture (University of Alabama Press, 2010) and are frequently included in Best Buddhist Writing (Shambala).
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